am a MURDERER, Your Honor!

Judge Nature:

Today, Sunday-August 26, this very morning, around 9.45am, just few minutes after J 24 exit, along the palm-farmed asphalt road, You had hit a Papa Squirrel frantically trying  to cross the lonely way. He might be in rush to see his feverish kids, he might be desperate to get things for his nagging wife. You should be ashamed of your reckless driving, human!Do you plead guilty, Miss Gie?

Murderer Gie:

Your Honor,
I was fast but I wasn't reckless. I saw him and he saw me..I jammed on the damn break I thought he could make it..but...he swerved back and...and...and...(tears streaming her eyes...)..I am terribly sorry.. I had unintentionally hit that Papa Squirrel, Your Honor.

Judge Nature:

Shhoooo Human! Your tears don't buy me! Do you or do you not plead guilty?

Murderer Gie:

YES, Your Honor! I do plead GUILTY.. a murder of Second Degree :(


p/s: after my very own cat last New Year, this morning accident was the second time I hit a big, four-legged animal..I feel terrible, really..tormenting me more...jus days before raya, my librarian housemate/roomate had run into "Leng-Leng" a stray cat that had been living with us for more than a year. She died instantly!Oh Allah..there are two murderers, in Desa Jaya, roaming free :(

More often than not, before hitting the pedal, I would pray not to harm or harmed by other drivers..shame on me!I should extend my dua' to include other creatures too...I really should :(

I was so sure that it was a Papa Squirrel for he was bigger than those I often see..does this make sense?any difference it makes? :(

Ilhami Aku...

Tuhan...antara perlu /mahu, pasti /keliru, hati /rasa, ragu /percaya..Ilhami aku

kau tahu segala...aku? lemah..tiada berdaya..

Perempuan-Perempuan di Pagi Raya

Sabtu/ Ogos 17 2012/ Ramadhan Akhir

Perempuan-Perempuan itu:

mula berkemasan apa perlu

dari dalam ke luar rumah habis disapu

habuk disedut sampah dikaut

longkang disodok rumpai tanah dicabut

kain baju dibilas,dicuci

dikering dijemur diangkat dilipat mana sempat

pinggan kotor dibersih mangkuk baru dipilih

tangan tak pernah kering peluh tak henti meleleh

lesung dialu, rendang terbit bau,

ketupat atas dapur, kaki tangan bersimpang siur

tetap..

masak nasi goreng, buat berbuka ramadhan akhir

kerna..

anak dan adik tak berahi lauk dan nasi putih.

Ahad/ Ogos 18 2012/ Syawal 1

Perempuan-Perempuan itu:

bangun seawal 3 pagi periuk belanga mula berisi

kuah lontong didapur, potong dadu sayur-mayur

mampir subuh, anak-anak dijerit "Bangun!"

bergema seisi alam pagi Syawal, suara ibu berang

anak dan adik jantan liat bangun solat

masih

debu di sapu, kotor dibuang

dari tanah luar masuk lantai dalam

meja makan dibersih, lauk dihidang 

habis santap

pinggan mangkuk menimbun

hati runtun

seterika baju raya sendiri

seterika baju raya suami

anak adik jantan

usai subuh yang lewat

sempat lagi menyambung mimpi..

perempuan, hati kalut solat sunat tetap menuntut

pincang masa tak diikut

anak adik jantan lemah lengah

malas culas

anak-anak dijerit berkali

"Cepat!orang dah mula nak solat!jangan tak sempat!"

bila pedih telinga mendengar

ke masjid ibu di hantar

anak dara nan seorang

yang tak ketahuan disergah

bila amarah melimpah-ruah.

di masjid

lupa sebentar nafas semput

untukNYA dahi bersujud

kepadaNYA hati dipuput.

Menjadi perempuan, natijah budaya dan adat di banyak tempat, takkan pernah sama dengan "alter egonya"-seorang lelaki..beza terlalu berbeza...saksikan saja menjelang syawal dan juga pagi-pagi raya...

Memang kami, perempuan, pengumpul pahala..kami tahu janji-janjiNYA.persoalannya sekarang: orang lelaki tak teringin ke nak kumpul pahala, membantu mana terdaya? Tolonglah..

Patut ke sibuk kalut perempuan diserata rumah berbalas tontonan meriah kaum lelaki di ruang tengah?

Dapur dan tugas domestik hanya EKSKLUSIF untuk WANITA? SEXISnya...



Routine, unassisted, gendered domesticity can be drowning and suffocating..to my "Adam" - my other half to be... my pretty kids..please don't let me drowned and suffocated like this..please :)



p/s: Lantangkah Aku?Hilang kewanitaan/keibuan/kekakakkan? Percayalah...berpuluh tahun menghadap kisah yang sama..akan aku cuba untuk tidak mengulangi kitaran hidup perempuan Melayu tipikal yang sama..tertakdir aku jadi suri dan ibu..akan aku bimbing lembut Adamku, anak-anak lelaki perempuanku agar lebih ringan membantu bila perlu..agar mereka lebih tahu harga, jerih seorang Hawa yang tak berkira melunaskan beban kerja rumah walaupun tak termaktub wajib dalam Quran dan Sunnah...biar mereka, kecintaanku ini kelak tahu..nilai iman manusia bukan terletak pada deskripsi dan preskripsi budaya ke atas gender..tapi atas rasa taqwa mereka padaNYA..maka Adam, untuk tugas domestik, apa kata..kita sama-sama kaut pahala???

Beautiful Feelings...

What

is

this Feeling?

warming the half-frozen Heart

budding Love

so Tender

the Heart

lulled deep in

Beauty's slumber.

That now melting Heart

blanketed with

Mesmerizing Peace

hoping for nothing

but

the forever Bliss.

Always

wanting of Dreams

the

dreams Unfinished.

Dear, God...

jus what is This?

p/s: Viva Forever to LOVE & PEACE

I AM VEILED & I AM LIBERATED!

A chatting with a Filipino male speaker in one of the conferences I attended years ago ignites this. This is a list of answers to his bold yet innocent question “Do you have many women without veil here [Malaysia], the more liberated women???

Always a wordy writer I am, I initially wanted to pen down a long piece of writing, expressing my thoughts on this matter. Shame on me - long years it takes and it never gets done.

My pre-maturely “dead” essay was revisited, today while I was attending a workshop and this long piece of poetry is a fruit of my refreshed brain, re-energized mind, just a tiny drop from my deep sea of answers as to “HOW does it feel, WHAT does it mean being covered/hijabed/tudung-ed/veiled. This is a political me – a tudung-ed Malay Muslim who chooses words as a means of expression. 

I AM VEILED & I AM LIBERATED!

Yes, Mam!

I’m veiled, I’m liberated

For my hijab doesn’t cut my quick steps

It suppresses not, great things in my head.

Yo, Sistah!

My hijab is always on, I’m liberated

That piece of pashmina, cotton or lycra doesn’t trim my intelligence

It doesn’t cage my independence.

Yup, Buddy!

I’m covered, am I not liberated?

My cover doesn’t torture my brain

It has never made me gone insane.

Hola, friends

I’m tudung-ed, I am liberated

My veil, emasculates not my words

My mind crystal cleared, My strong voice clearly heard

Hello, companéra!

I’m liberated and I’m hijabed

This head cover of mine doesn’t deactivate my persistence

It doesn’t freeze my very existence.

Yes Sir!

tudung-ed I am and I am liberated

This colourful thing doesn’t explode my future

It goes never against my human nature.

Ooo yeaah Dude!

My head is “wrapped” but I’m liberated

My symbol of faith doesn’t make me “not fun”

This thing makes me shine, as pretty as the morning sun!

Hiya, Kiddo!

My tudung doesn’t make me naively obedient

It buries me not under discrimination

This piece doesn’t cause me gender repression.

Hello, Alls!

I’m veiled/ “wrapped”/covered/tudung-ed & hijabed

This gentle piece of mine, doesn’t kill my mind

It doesn’t make me drowned, it doesn’t chop me down.

Hello, ALLS!

What is this frown? Wrinkled forehead? Dropped jaw? Angered heart?

YES! ALLS

I’m covered / “wrapped”/ tudung-ed

I am VEILED & I am HIJABED

and

of course I am TRULY LIBERATED!

Ambe/ Ambo/ Oghang/ Oghe

Hasil tontonan terkesan semalam…terinspirasi entri yang ini…


Antara yang tertambat dihati dalam "Masihkah Ada Ramadhan":


" Oghang jatang Ganu nih, maghoh kak tepi bibir je...dok lekak kak peghut.."

" Dok soh caghe oghang laing ah..aku nih..abang sulung mu..tanggungjawab aku..jage mok, ayoh, adik-adik aku"


Tiba-tiba muncul pula yang kejap dikepala, walaupun tontonannya dah lama, dari "Bunohan" hasil garapan Dain Iskandar Said:

"Mane ade oghe buleh sumbak duo puluh tigo taung dale tigo minik"

"Patoh tule buleh semboh, mung tuh..patoh semangak oghe"

Terpaling terkesan...lontaran Namron:

"Gocoh nih buke gocoh biaso..Tok Dale dio tuh, buke oghe laeng..Baka.."


Bila dilayan pementasan Melayu sebagus ini, serasa bangga dan kagum dalam hati walaupun aku secara biologi dan geografinya bukan milik dua tanah Pantai Timur yang ini.

Kukuh jati diri, tebal budaya, kaya adab pekerti.

Terima kasih Tuan sutradara, empunya asal cerita. Kisah-kisah Tuan kaya citra Melayu Timurnya...masih subur seni, masih kejap akar diri..

P/S: sedang mencari-cari masa untuk lebihkan bicara tentang "Bunohan"..Insyaallah...tiba satu masa..

Angin dan Puan

Antara Angin dan Puan, terdengar satu bualan:

Angin : Puan, saya kepingin berterbangan.
             Mahu sampaikan pesan?

Puan  : Angin,
             Sampaikan saja salamku, pada
             Pemilik senyum itu
             Bisikkan padanya, Aku
             rindu,
             Sungguh

            Terlalu rindu...