He was the Black Sheep n He Had Long Gone...

HE was the black sheep in my family, BUT
wasn't so black that people could not see him from the rest of 5 others.
He was different!
Mak and Ayah admitted how different it was to handle him
for he was a boy, who would do anything, without any fear of scolding, whipping or even caning..

Please don't judge! For he wasn't insolent!
He wasn't evilish! NO, he wasn't!
he was just being naughty, happy, confident and stubborn.
We, the other 5 were NEITHER angelic! NO, we weren't!
we were the 5 cowards, less naughty, less challenging and more obedient.

Days before July 15, 1999.
He came to me, his only kakak, resting his head on my laps
"Akak, could you please check my ears? They seem to give me troubles"
"There is nothing wrong, Abang De", me looking into his ears, turning this side to that side.

He was stubborn, yes, my third brother.
In our countless kid's fights, he kicked me quite often,
BUT days before he gone, he surrendered to my now-matured love, sisterly touch and care.
I'm glad I let that happen, his head resting on me, for that one last moment.

So sweet that moment, BUT not without regrets!
just few days before he had his name on the death certificate,
 he requested,
"Akak, make me a mug of hot drink please?"
so tired of the household chores the whole morning, I heartlessly denied his last request
I said: "Do it yourself!"

Just few hours before he, forever gone, this third brother of mine, for few times he weakly asked,
"Akak, where has Mak gone?"
Me, with my monthly mood swing, got terribly irritated for my answer got to be repeated,
presented him a half yelling
"She is at Tabika. Attending Tabika programme"
I still remember that weak and sad face!
keeping his silence, in heart, he was probably saying:
"Please don't be so harsh, Akak, for I'm forever leaving..yes..I'm leaving"

If I could turn back time, with some other bad things to him, I had said and done
these were the few things I wish I would never do!
not before days he bid us adieu!

July, 15 1999, a gloomy rainy Thursday evening it was
He, our sweet 16..
He came home, yes..He came home
an injured body, without a soul

Crashed in a car, he was the driver
having confidently known the wheel by the age 13, so tender
He sneak drove the car, cheerfully sending friends to an evening tuition
On the way back home, there He was..ascended to heaven!

He came home not all alone
bringing along  with him, the best buddy ever
a senior, a seventeen-year old who shared death and 7-feet-down grave jokes, just a month before, they both left us here forever.

there, in my wooden front house
we sadly yet patiently received both, soul-less bodies so young
parents and families wept..my Mak cried in silence
Ayah didn't shed a tear, not until he was done,
well-preparing the son to meet his Creator.

Here we are, July 15 2012..
with faith, accepting the inexplicable loss for 13 years
knowing full-heartedly that..whatever it is..
Things do happen..and
Things happen for reasons...

He, our long lost Kamarul Haizam...
was the hillariously funny, energetic, fast, unique, friendly, soft-spoken black sheep of my family,
He had long gone!
13 years under a total submission
to The Greatest Creator, Most Magnificent, Most Benevolent...




P/S: His loss has taught me lots of family lessons..

i) DON'T TURN YOUR FAMILY'S SIMPLE REQUEST DOWN for you can never know if the request is final.

ii) CHERISH YOUR SIBLINGS WHILE THEY ARE VISIBLE IN FRONT OF YOU for you can never tell when you no longer able to.

iii) DON'T HIDE YOUR LOVE & SORRY FROM THEM for you can never guess when you can say "I love You and Sorry" next.


Al-Fatihah to both my late brother & his best buddy & all bros n sisters who have long gone, leaving us, counting our time...